Give Me a Moment
by dress her up in fairytales
Summary: One-shot. Esme/Carlisle. After the birth of Renesmee, Esme can't help but mourn for the son she lost so many decades ago...


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. I'm sure you know that. ;)

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"Esme?" his silk voice floated between the branches of the forest trees. His voice brought her comfort multiple times, but today, she felt distracted and detached from the world. She hadn't meant to disappear but she was aching, and she didn't know how to make the pain stop.

"I'm here," she called to him, not bothering to turn around. He would find her easily enough. She had spent the night watching Renesmee sleeping. She couldn't yet wrap her mind around the child—half-human, half-vampire. They never thought someone like her was possible. Of course, Alice and Jasper had brought someone to prove them all wrong.

Esme hadn't expected for it to hurt this much. She wanted to be happy—she _was_ happy—but inside, she missed the son she lost so many years ago. Having a baby around the house was joyful, but it wasn't hers. Her maternal instincts were still alive even though she wasn't. Nevertheless, she hid herself, allowing Rosalie and Alice to have their fun with Renesmee. Of course, it wasn't as if she didn't love the little child—for she did, but it reminded her too much of her little one. The one she held in her arms for only a few days. The one she watched suffer because he couldn't breathe. The one she jumped off the cliff for…

Years had passed since she thought of her human life. It was a blur in her memory, but her baby boy's face shone brightly in a midst of darkness. He had been so tiny.

She didn't turn at the sound of Carlisle's footsteps. She knew she was hurting him, too. He couldn't give her what she truly wanted. They had struggled with it for years now, fought about it, but made up about it, eventually. She knew Carlisle didn't regret changing her into a vampire, but she never failed to wonder if there could ever be redemption for their kind. They accepted that Esme would mourn.

Carlisle placed his hand on his wife's shoulder and sat next to her. The leaves rustled in the wind, whispering melodies unknown to human ears. "Talk to me, love," he said.

She looked at him, forcing a smile on her face. "Carlisle… I… I am so happy for Bella and Edward. She is growing very fast."

"Is that why you have been avoiding them?" He saw right through her.

"I haven't been avoiding them." She didn't look at him.

Carlisle furrowed his eyebrows. "Esme, I see you hurting, and by God, it causes me pain, too."

"I know… And I'm sorry. This is hard for me. Harder than I thought it would be."

He pulled her closer to him, and she moved her body in response to him. They were magnets for each other, wanting to be near each other, and knowing a simple touch meant the world. "If I could make this any easier, love, I would in a heartbeat."

She smiled a genuine smile. "Yes, I know this. I am so grateful and thankful for you, Carlisle." And then she realized she was about to cry—at least, their kind of crying. The choking pain came in waves, more mentally than physically. She missed the tears of humans. She felt as if vampires couldn't show pain because there was no tears. Carlisle ran his fingers through her hair, comforting her without saying anything.

It wasn't as if they avoided talking about the baby she had lost. She mourned the loss when she first became a vampire. She had been so unsure about Carlisle in the beginning, but his love for her was genuine and soon, she couldn't part from him. Yes, they had talked about it because it made Esme feel better, but even Carlisle, her adoring angel and savior, could never truly give her what she wanted. How she hated the way she felt sometimes—how she constantly fought within herself.

Carlisle's fingers traced her exposed skin, dancing across her collarbone. He cupped her cheek within his hands, turning her face towards his. "Please tell me how to make you happy."

"I am happy, Carlisle. I've always been happy with you. I am mourning. Please, understand," Esme said, her eyes searching his.

His hand dropped from her face and landed in his pocket. Over the past decades, he had seen women come into the hospital, filled with joy at the news of being pregnant. He had seen women cry at the sorrow of a miscarriage, but Esme was someone different. Had she truly mourned long enough for her baby son? What feelings were Renesmee conjuring in Esme? Although they had been together for almost a century, he wasn't sure he fully understood her pain.

"You're thinking too much, Carlisle," she said. "It is not your fault and has never been."

"But I—I made you who you are."

"Because you love me."

He nodded. Yes, he loved her. He never stopped loving her when he first met her at sixteen. He had never wanted a human so much in his life—not for blood lust, but for pure human lust.

"Don't think you have to prove your love to me," Esme whispered. "This loss—this mourning—I will always feel. But I am strong, aren't I?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, love, you are."

"And my children are beautiful and happy. My granddaughter is a miracle."

He smirked. "Yes."

"And my husband—oh, my husband, what can be said about him?" she teased, taking Carlisle's hands into hers. She wrapped his arms around her thin waist.

"Hmm, well, how about he is the most magnificent person you have ever met?" He raised an eyebrow in mock gesture.

"He has amazing strength. He loves to no end, and he makes me incandescently happy."

Carlisle laughed. "Yes, I like those, Esme."

She smiled. "I knew you would."

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**Author's note:** I struggled with this piece for a bit. I couldn't figure out if I wanted to do it after Esme was changed and she was mourning for her son, or after Renesmee was born. I was just upset that Esme/Carlisle really weren't in Breaking Dawn, so I like to justify their disappearance as Esme's not wanting to be around the baby. That might seem cruel but some reason it's adorable in my mind? I don't know--that's probably weird. Hope you enjoy and sorry it's so short!


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